4: Imagination

At the end of this weekend, we end with imagination and the types of imaginations that we have to deal with: Sluggish, overactive, inactive, etc. Torstov the director gives them sensations to use, especially perception, the strongest sensation for an actor. He says that in order to create a character, we must go through own memories as a series of images, and make them analogous to our character's experiences. By the way, I am reading Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization book right now, which I think is a bunch of watered-down metaphysical exercises, but it still is a positive influence, at least. Too bad it's so generic I can hardly stay awake reading it.

Best quote: During every moment we are on the stage, during every moment of the development of the action of the play, we must be aware of either the external circumstances which surround us (the whole material setting of the production), or of an inner chain of circumstances which we ourselves have imagined in order to illustrate our parts.

Chapter 3: Action

This chapter deals mainly with acting with a purpose: no matter what happens onstage, there must be purpose. As my theatre teacher says, never play a result-this is an old fact of acting I knew, but never put into words. There are several exercises that include playing out these clear, logical choices of action. Actions can be as simple as closing or opening a door, simple, clearly stated actions. Reminds me of the Intermediate Lindy Hop class I took today. Yes, it's been a year since I took that Advanced Course I had to drop out of due to an overly abundant schedule, but I seemed to pick up quickly. The dance teacher showed me how to clearly state my actions so that the follower was receptive to my backspin turn, and I danced just like old times. This experience is analogous to what the actor must do to inform the audience member. Everything with a purpose, even in purposeless plays (Thing Waiting for Godot, or anything by Jean Genet or Harold Pinter-there's meaning, but you dig and do lots of work for it. Which makes absurdist vision theater my favorite of all).

I love the activities in this section, especially on the supposition "If": when we use the if in a sentence we create a reality that COULD happen, even though it hasn't happened yet. Torstov the director shows the actors how to create a reality out of the suppositions posed to them, such as, "What if a madman was on the loose, and was coming through the back door?", or the famous Brooch Pin story, where one has to search for a brooch pin offered by a friend who couldn't you back money owed, which leads to "What if you lost the brooch pin?" . Simple actions, simple choices. All grounded in nature and reality. We have to find the given circumstances in the scene, or all the explicit details of time, place, characters, interpretations, etc.

Best quote of this chapter: "Go over every detail in the process and decide what is conscious, what unconscious, in it's origin. You will never unravel the puzzle, because you will not remember some of the most important moments in it. These will arise, in whole or in part, of their own accord, and will pass by unnoticed, all in the realm of the subconscious" (53).

When Acting Is An Art-Chapter 2

This chapter consists of discussion of the scenework the actors did in Othello. It is mainly composed of two parts, based on their mistakes:

1. How to enter the subconscious through conscious, logical choices of action
2. Types of acting that they played

On the subconscious set, Torstov tells them that Kostya, the narrator, played well in certain moments when his intuition carried him there, but that one cannot rely on intuition alone to carry him or her through the scene. As the director says,

"[...]the very best that can happen is to have the actor completely carried away by the play. then regardless of his own will he lives the part, not noticing how he feels, not thinking about what he does, and it all moves of its own accord, subconsciously and intuitively. Salvini said: 'The great actor should be full of feeling, and especially he should feel the thing he is portraying. He must feel an emotion not only once or twice while he is studying his part, but to a greater or lesser degree every time he plays it, no matter whether it is the first or the thousandth time'".

This type of acting, he states, comes through clear, logical choices of action. The subconscious can be found by making conscious choices. Only then will we find the natural effect of intuition and the subconscious be allowed to play. This natural sense is a mixture of the physical, mental, and spiritual, and is right up my alley. Only the physical exercises, actions, come first. Combined, we can truly live the part.

In the second part, he discusses different types of acting that I did some of growing up. Here is a list:

• Forced acting-high and low moments alternating in order to thrill your audience.
• Representational acting-only living the part in the external form. There is a danger to practicing in front of a mirror-we only see our physical actions.
• Imitation-to take the mannerisms of another.
• Mechanical acting-going through the motions or "having elaborately worked out methods of presenting the role with conventional illustrations." This is what Torstov calls a rubber stamp.
• amateurish overacting: acting found solely for the purpose of exploiting art for your own personal means.

Best Quote? "Unfortunately, our art is frequently exploited for personal ends. You do it to show your beauty. Others do it to gain popularity or external success or to make a career. In our profession these are common phenomena and I hasten to restrain you from them."

Remind you of any actors you have seen (Hollywood, anybody?)?

The First Test

This first chapter of Stanislavski comprises of a narrative structure that masks the different tasks of the author: Torstov, the director, is the ideal main character, or mentor, who instills the actors in the story with a sense of direction. His work is basically the opinion of Stansilavski himself. The actors themselves comprise the different types of actors one comes across in a rehearsal and/or performance space. The narrator, Kostya Nazvanov, appears to be the nieve actor who comes in without any knowledge of what they must do at first. The other actors either act as foils or other personas of the beginning actor and their problems. This sets off the beginning.

The story begins with Kostya learning to audition as Othello, and play his scene with Iago in full costume and set design. Othello sets the stage, as Kostya learns to deal with makeup, diction, and external moments that he can feel himself become accustomed to the character. However, as a beginner, he makes almost nothing but mistakes, as Torstov points out in the following chapter. Lots of intrigue and excitement that the first-time actor can relate to.

Good quote on Waiting for your scene: "There is a good side to this period of waiting. It drives you into such a state that all you can do is to long for your turn to get through with the thing that you are afraid of".

Another quote on solemnity: "On the stage what disturbed me first was the extraordinary solemnity, the quiet and order that reigned there".

I love the solemnity of the stage. Only there can some people find peace (like me).

Soul of The Fat Man

Ever since I grew up to be a tall, skinny kid who loved to eat, this is what I wanted to call my autobiography. Ironically, my body fits the fat man comment far better now, being 30 pounds overweight.

Which leads us to a new phase in my life: Being Fat. Now to get a physical impression of me, I am exactly 6 feet tall, and have always been long and lanky in my life. I have always had a very round face, and would say I have always had 2 or 3 chins (more than a Chinese phonebook! Ha ha, hyuk), even when I was always skinny. Not the handsomest man in the world. Now my body weight fits my enormous head and face. God hath a sense of humor. It was always nice to get the comment, "Oh, you have a babyface!". This shit gets old when you are 32, although I was considered cute by some women.

Being as superficial as the rest of the world, I would usually comment, "Yeah, only the fat chicks dig me". Or as other classy superficial friends would call me, F.B.M. (Yes, it stands for Fat Bitch Magnet. How lovingly crass).

Ironically, a life of superficiality comes karmically down on those who are superficial, I believe. I am living proof. I am now a chubby, hairy, 32 year-old man, who looks very jolly in red, and might make a good Santa Claus in a mall, if I don't get this professor gig I am working so hard on.
Trust me, the self-loathing doesn't get entirely embedded in self-deprecation here.

I am bringing this up because of something new related to this getting-heavier phenomenon: Being Called A Fat Man.

Now this is the second time, mind you I have been called fat in my life (my eating habits have always been a bit much, especially when I was younger, although I eat a little less than I have before). I am trying to bury myself in grains and salads these days, but my weight seems to not be deterred. Or at least this is the second time I have found out from someone that thinks I am a fat person.

This second time happened at work, where some girl apparently referred to me as a "fattie" and then at another time when someone mentioned bacon, and she pointed specifically to me.

Actually, the way it was told to me that came out a bit karmically: I was walking with work friends back to the library an hour ago, when I asked my friend/coordinator G what the girl was saying about me, since she was laughing about something related to me:

Me: What, does she hate me or something? I get a bad vibe from her.
G: Yeah, man, somebody said something about bacon, and she pointed at you. I thought it was harsh.
Me: (pausing) Yeah, I'm a little fat.

Here is where H, another friend who has a very big mouth, opened her jowls wide:

H: Yeah, well SHE'S ONE TO TALK!

We all laughed hard about this, since the girl wasn't exactly the skinniest girl in the world, although I wouldn't necessarily call her fat. I think H was doing it for my sake.

Again, ironically and karmically, I looked behind myself at that exact moment and found the bacon scouter in question. She looked at me with large eyes and a big toothless smile. I looked back twice.

We continued walking and she ended up going in another direction, but not before H looks back and sees her as well, and mumbles, "Oh shit!". H has a big mouth, but it was still funny.

I walked with G for a while to the bus stop, his destination, and talked to him for a while. He said he thought it was rude, and told me she had said something like this before, referring to me as a "fattie". I wondered out loud if I had said something to offend her. I do joke alot at work, and we tease each other continually, although I felt like a bit of a "whipping boy" at work sometimes because I take more than I give. I get sensitive sometimes, yes. But I wonder if I said anything to upset this girl?

I am probably not innocent of this situation, because I do tend to tease alot (when she said she was talking about me today, I looked at her quizzically and said, "Who ARE you, anyways?". She laughed and turned red. Now I know why she turned red). However, I have this habit of feeling bad when I talk badly about somebody else. I didn't talk bad about her, actually. I just laughed at her expense.

Which is bad enough. But I shouldn't feel badly about this. If I offended her some way, it'll come out. However, karmically speaking, I don't really feel like I did anything wrong.

So I'll allow myself to say, "Fuck her", and move on. It's weird to be called a fattie now. Even if it is kinda true.

An Actor Prepares

I have finished reading An Actor Prepares, by Constantin Stanislavski, and have so many questions to ask. I would really like to summarize every single chapter, and I will try to do so here, but I must say: after having read so many things I have wanted to read, it's really hard to get back into school reading assignments. I do have to read this semester:

• Homer's Iliad (the entirety of the epic)
• Plato's Symposium (still haven't started it: read it once, but need to take notes)
• Jorge Luis Borges Labyrinths (in Spanish and English: read it several times, but again, I need notes)
• One more book for the Orals.

I have a great friend, by the way, in Ashley, my oldest weblog friend. She has written some very sweet things about me, which makes me feel very shy all of a sudden. Check it out here. Thanks again, my friend.

Why I Make Friends and Girlfriends This Way

...something I read. I clued in to something recently.

It really puzzled me why I meet the same people over and over again. The same helpless recluses, the same people who don't want to help themselves. There are two possibilities:

• They see me as safe passage.

The second I'd like to freak out about a little more in depth. I read something recently that was scary and sad that reminded me that the faults we find in others are usually faults we actually have ourselves (projection, anyone?). Anyways, without sounding redundant, I've lost my train of thought.

Spring Schedule 2010

Here goes the schedule for my second-to-last semester (one hopes: I may stay one more to make sure my GPA is supah supah strong) at SFSU:

1. Greek 101 at UC Berkeley-Homer translation. This class is actually an upper division undergraduate course at UC Berkeley taught by a Berkeley professor. I finally am taking a Berkeley course that works with my schedule. I go three days a week, MWF 1-2PM, and I can already feel the weight of that travel after this first day, but oh, well. The work in Greek translation, once again, is STRENUOUS, and I can barely keep my eyes open from moving around so much in one day. I will get used to it. I forgot that Greek was so fucking hard! But I love it, I admit it.
2. English 657-Grammar and Rhetoric of the Sentence. After all the foreign language grammar, I need an ENGLISH grammar course to straighten it all out. Good for teaching, good for writing my own research paper. Also bloody boring as all get-out. Do I sound Engrish?
3. Spanish 350-Literary and Practical Translation of Spanish to English. Yes, you are surprised. Another translation course. Difference is here they actually TEACH you to translate Spanish into English. This could have been useful, say, THREE YEARS AGO. It will be good review, and take out all the cogs out of the machine, though.
4. Theatre Arts 102-Scene Analysis. I'm taking Dr. Weinstock's course on Hedda Gabler again to get in my acting practice. I did okay last semester, but I want to be better. That's why I'm reading all the Stanislavski, and other books of interest in acting theory. Another hobby I love.

I must stop writing and finish translatin the Iliad tonight here at the Annex. God, this life is boring and lonely sometimes, but it all leads to something. But what? More research. Maybe next time more spiritual study. That makes me happy.

Back to the Academic Grindhouse

Before I show you my schedule (per usual), I should show you some things I will miss during Christmas Break:

1. Reading All I Want FOR ME!!!

2. Seeing my Niece's grow up (now 5 and 9 years of age).

That's not one of them, but I refuse to put them up here anymore in case there are any wierdos out there. Fuck off, wierdos. This girl reminds me of Alyssa, however, when she was little, with her big eyes and perfectly straight hair. She looked like a little Indian girl. She was so pretty. Still is, but she refuses to cut the bangs out of her eyes so we can't see her pretty little face anymore. Pre-teens. Jesus.

4. Pacifica.

I have been helping a buddy up there study for his Latin meter, so we have ended up here and have checked out the crazy waves at high tide. Absolutely exhilerating. I would like to take a date here one of these days. I know, the picture looks more like a mafioso would take someone to the end of the pier to rub them out, but it's actually beautiful when the waves come crashing in.